Isolation Fun: Trolling Teles

[ch willie]

Worst guitar ever made. Looks like a pudgy 12 year old with syrup in the folds of its neck. Sounds like a piece of scratchy wire against a rough rock. People who play them are just hick cucks who want to kiss Danny Gatton's long gone ass. Roy Buchanan sounded like a squealing rabbit, and Jimmy Page couldn't even make stolen licks sound good on his. Muddy Water should have gotten himself a real job. Syd Barrett's Tele was just a waste of good wood. Most non-famous players of Teles have loose morals and ugly partners.

And what's with the headstock? It looks like a medieval criminal, punished by having his nose blunted. Seriously, the damned thing starts off well enough but ends in a pitiful little roll.

Plastic pickguard hides the embarrassingly conceived electronics. Ugliest pickups on a guitar ever.

If you play one, your mother had a crush on Bobby Vinton's driver.

[DanTheBluesMan]

I'd make you take it all back.

Except ... it's true ... huu huu huu, sob *gnash teeth* weep ... it's true, gosh darn it.

[Cogs]

That's pretty edgy for this place
lol

[OldStrummer]

Very creative, willie. Completely off the mark, but creative!

[ch willie]

That's pretty edgy for this place
lol

Ha ha. Ah well, I'm too edgy for my own good a lot of times.

[DanTheBluesMan]

Ha ha, I knew that


now

[ch willie]

Very creative, willie. Completely off the mark, but creative!

I'm glad you enjoyed it. I tried to miss the mark as much as possible. That's half the fun.

[renderit]

I agree.

But you must own one just so you can appreciate what the best example of a horrible idea really is.

The hideousness of this must be appreciated.

It's like a train wreck really...

[ch willie]

Good god, renderit. I almost puked when the photo of your Tele loaded. I felt like I was eating herring salad while seasick on the North Sea.

[renderit]

I KNOW!

I have eaten MANY herring salads on the North Sea back when we invaded Europe!

That and Lutefisk!

Damn, fish Jello®

[ch willie]

I KNOW!

I have eaten MANY herring salads on the North Sea back when we invaded Europe!

That and Lutefisk!

Damn, fish Jello®

Ha ha ha

[OldStrummer]

I am enjoying this thread. Willie and Renderit should form a comedy duo.

[ch willie]

I am enjoying this thread. Willie and Renderit should form a comedy duo.

Yeah, buddy, just post some pictures of your fave Tele so that I can get rid of the rest of the food in my stomach.

[ch willie]

I'm quite ashamed of this piece o crap. I'm thinking of trading it for a plywood body Les Paul. I might even give the Tele and a hundred dollars in trade.

[renderit]

That is truly an eyesore!

No additional knobs to control the freakishly shrill sounds was the biggest mistake.

Imagine the moron who said: One Tone and One volume and One switch to pick your pickup!

No choices!

I can only imagine the horror of one of these with but one pickup...

OMG!

[ch willie]

Leo Fender and the designers of the Tele were obviously moral degenerates. If it hadn't been for Bob in control at that time, the Tele headstock would have been very phallic.

[DanTheBluesMan]

here's my poor little ol' Princeton being soiled by that monstrosity in my avatar

[ch willie]

That’s just embarrassing, Dan. Damn.

[OldStrummer]

Yeah, buddy, just post some pictures of your fave Tele so that I can get rid of the rest of the food in my stomach.

I have some especially egregious examples. This one, for starters, should never been seen in public.



This one is so vile I have to keep it trapped in its case, lest it gets loose.

[ch willie]

Those ought to be considered war crimes of some sort.

[CoyotesGator]

I once walked into Mayberry with a Telecaster over my shoulder.

Andy punched me straight in the mouf and handed Barney a box of bullets.

[IMG]82FB94C8-D64D-4FEE-B6B7-D9FBF2B75CA2 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]

[ch willie]

Cg, that looks like something Otis would have put together while totally snookered

[renderit]

I once walked into Mayberry with a Telecaster over my shoulder.

Andy punched me straight in the mouf and handed Barney a box of bullets.

[IMG]82FB94C8-D64D-4FEE-B6B7-D9FBF2B75CA2 by robert ellwood, on Flickr[/IMG]

[renderit]

here's my poor little ol' Princeton being soiled by that monstrosity in my avatar

Man,

This shot needs to be in black and white so the guitar will disappear and we can see the amp.

[ch willie]

Shoot, renderit, aft er that hideous thing Dan posted, we should just make him disappear while we're at it.

[DanTheBluesMan]

Man,

This shot needs to be in black and white so the guitar will disappear and we can see the amp.

I'll give that a try

[vinyl]

I have to admit I'm ashamed of this, this is what I own:


It's sort of a tele. But it's not really a tele, it has 3 pickups. It's not really a Strat. It's made in Mexico. Bad fret sprout, inferior electronic parts.

Meanwhile, Fender still produces 2 pickup examples of them. Apparently now without ash bodies.

Even if you fixed the horribly wrong errors like pickguard mounted pickups, and 3-saddle bridge, it's an abomination.

[ch willie]

I have to admit I'm ashamed of this, this is what I own:

It's sort of a tele. But it's not really a tele, it has 3 pickups. It's not really a Strat. It's made in Mexico. Bad fret sprout, inferior electronic parts.

Meanwhile, Fender still produces 2 pickup examples of them. Apparently now without ash bodies.

Even if you fixed the horribly wrong errors like pickguard mounted pickups, and 3-saddle bridge, it's an abomination.

Now that's just pitiful. I gave one of those recently to a band of teenagers at the orphanage--I didn't want them to start expecting good things out of life. After a week, every one of the guitarists had switched to triangle.

[OldStrummer]

Who in their right mind would want a Telecaster with three pickups? Especially if they're Nocasters mounted on a bias (designed by master builder Todd Krause) and equipped with a five-way selector switch. These things are abominations!

[ch willie]

What do you call that, OS, Frankencrap?

[renderit]

At least they tried to get this one right.

A copy they screwed up the headstock on with an 'h' instead of another 's'...



And look at the wood! So many knots it must have come out of the scrap pile at Fenender!



Ran outta parts too. Only 3 intonator thingies so they had to share them...

[ch willie]

Neck looks like it was buried with potatoes in the coals of a fire pit.

[renderit]

Neck looks like it was buried with potatoes in the coals of a fire pit.

And they mated and this is the illegitimate offspring...

OMG!

[ch willie]

And they mated and this is the illegitimate offspring...

OMG!

Teles are sort of the fat-blubbed brat of guitars.

[OldStrummer]

It's hard to imagine any guitar wanting to grow up to be a Tele. Must be a severe case of self-loathing.

[ch willie]

I'd rather touch a diseased rattlesnake than touch that Tele, Old Strummer. Color scheme reminds me of pig blood.

[Dave]

Hideous

[ch willie]

Well, Dave, it takes a brave man to post THAT for his first posting to the forum. Welcome, but if you haven't got anything better than that to show us, you might want to just call your internet provider and get rid of your service.

I mean look at it. It's flawless and beautiful---obviously a sissy. My $20 uke could kick its butt. First rule of guitar fight club: don't invite sissy Telecasters to guitar fight club. Why?--because the sound would be so good that all the other guitars would get jealous and slaughter it, turn it into toothpicks for people who eat taffy.

Good to have you here. Next time, post something better, like a 1970s Indonesian guitar with splinters sticking out of the fretboard.

[Dave]

Well, Dave, it takes a brave man to post THAT for his first posting to the forum. Welcome, but if you haven't got anything better than that to show us, you might want to just call your internet provider and get rid of your service.

I mean look at it. It's flawless and beautiful---obviously a sissy. My $20 uke could kick its butt. First rule of guitar fight club: don't invite sissy Telecasters to guitar fight club. Why?--because the sound would be so good that all the other guitars would get jealous and slaughter it, turn it into toothpicks for people who eat taffy.

Good to have you here. Next time, post something better, like a 1970s Indonesian guitar with splinters sticking out of the fretboard.

Thanks,Actually I was a member here with a different name around 2007. I forgot my password and had to start a new account.

[ch willie]

Thanks,Actually I was a member here with a different name around 2007. I forgot my password and had to start a new account.

Welcome back. Ha ha, I've been in a Don Rickles mood lately. I love Teles so much; what better thing to troll than the thing I love most? I'll start on The Beatles next. Nothing's sacred.